Returning Home: My Journey to Faralya
In Divine timing, our Souls take us back to locations that carry spiritual and healing significance. Our Souls also link us with people with whom we have shared past-lives, so that we can re-balance and resolve core aspects of our soul experience.
These people and locations can bring up very deeply-held emotion, and always herald a time of spiritual growth and resolution.
One place on earth that carries great meaning for me is Faralya, and the surrounding areas, in Turkey. I first visited this place very spontaneously when I was 19 years old, backpacking with my boyfriend - my first true love.
I am so glad that I made this trip with him, because he ended up needing to hold me through huge past life triggers that made me ill, overwhelmed and wanting urgently to leave.
I had no conscious idea at that time of my sacred roots in Turkey; I had not opened up to any level of higher awareness or spiritual energy.
My boyfriend and I had spent a lot of time apart that year, because I had already been away for several months traveling in the USA, Australia, and the South Pacific Islands.
The trip to Turkey came out of nowhere that summer of 1992. I think it was his idea, and I can recall feeling a little exhausted from my big global backpacking trip, anxious about starting university in September, and not really being up for another adventure!
We got on our flight having not really planned anything. We probably had a Rough Guide to Turkey between us, but that was about it. Both of us had done a lot of independent traveling in Europe both together and alone, so we were used to going with the flow and seeing where we ended up.
We arrived in Dalyan to begin with, staying in very simple rooms right on the edge of the river. I remember looking out over the Lycian tombs set into the rock faces emerging from the water.
I had already visited a lot of beautiful places in Europe and beyond by the age 19.
I was not a stranger to Mediterranean wonders. But something in this place really stirred my body.
Part of me felt completely at home as soon as we arrived. I would wander alone in the early evenings up to the little shop near to our lodgings, and buy ice-cold beer for the two of us to drink before dinner, the vibrant heat of the August sun still burning. My body seemed to walk here like it knew the land. I had an indescribable affinity with the food, the language and nothing felt unusual about Turkey.
What I was not expecting was the feeling of inner darkness that seemed to creep up and consume me. I was suddenly crippled by the most debilitating headaches. In the 40 degree heat, carrying a backpack and using public transport, my physical pain was unbearable. Some days I had to just lie in the darkness of our room, not able to move.
My love affair with Turkey stopped dead. It became all at once oppressive, painful, heavy and suffocating. We made our way to Fethiye on a crowded bus, and then to Olu Deniz. We slept on the beach by the lagoon in tiny little huts. I realise now that we must have travelled up the mountain to Faralya and beyond. I thought I was going to die when the bus driver overtook on hairpin bends with sheer drops over the mountainside. At that point, I wanted to get out of Turkey.
I now realise that we spent a few days very near to Faralya, and I was at my lowest ebb then. I was exhausted, with a constant headache between my eyes, a heaviness in my body that wouldn't leave, and I'd had enough. I cried one night with my boyfriend and apologised for not having more energy. I felt very emotionally safe with him, but the truth was, I didn't know what was happening inside me. It was intense and frightening.
Going Back to the Turquoise Coast of Turkey, May 2014
I didn't return to Turkey for 22 years. When I returned, it was to Faralya. I had no desire particularly to go there; it just happened to be where my yoga teacher was holding a retreat. On that yoga retreat, I spent the first 2 days feeling emotionally overwhelmed and desperately wanting to leave. These feelings really took me by surprise. Since my first visit 22 years before, I had done an enormous amount of healing and personal development. I was 'spiritually awakened'. I was already working on my divine purpose. I am a very experienced independent traveller, and don't usually feel anxious at all when away from home.
Why was this place bringing up so much for me? I'd come on this yoga holiday as a much-needed nourishing break. I had no intention of working on past life memories or anything else at all. I just needed to completely relax, have no responsibilities and let myself recharge. But I found myself crying during yoga classes, becoming very withdrawn from the group and needing to connect with friends back home.
Around the third day, something shifted. I suddenly felt safe and connected. I felt the land, the mountains, the energy of Faralya opening up to me; welcoming me, speaking to me, nourishing me. My heart opened to this place. I relaxed, I practiced daily yoga, I meditated and breathed. An unexpected delight was the nightly singing that we would do around the table after dinner: I used to sing a lot publicly in my teens and twenties but had stopped. I had an interesting experience of re-discovering my voice.
I left Faralya in May 2014 with mixed emotions. Something felt unfinished to me; I couldn't identify it, but I knew that there was a picture, a story, that had been given back to me incomplete.
I felt incomplete, and I didn't know why. It was so disturbing. I had spent the past 15 years in total devotion to healing my inner Self. I had done massive work to recover my spiritual gifts. I felt that I was in my full emotional power, I knew that I had worked relentlessly on my inner child wounds.
What came next totally disarmed me. For reasons that are too personal to recount here, I was taken into the depths of a profound past life healing process that forced me to once again draw on unimaginable inner strength, courage and faith. I am not able to disclose the actual events that occurred at this time, but what transpired in Faralya 2014 somehow recreated my experience of persecution during past lifetimes as a spiritual feminine leader.
I was suddenly, and totally unexpectedly, faced with a situation that triggered very tender emotional and spiritual past-life wounds. Very simply, the situation made me realise that my natural awakened presence was somehow threatening; my energy created waves without my conscious intent; I was innocent, but I felt guilty of something; suddenly I needed to be covered up, blocked, wiped out, lied about, denied and hidden. All I did was show up at Faralya again, but I was confronted with the information that I was not welcome. I was too much for this place. Feelings of humiliation, unworthiness, disbelief and anger crashed inwards like a tidal wave.
In a nutshell, I was re-experiencing being banished for being a sacred feminine powerhouse; a bringer of transformation; a restorer of healing codes to an area that had called out for them.
And I did feel Called - despite the fact that I did not plan this with my intellect in any way. I knew intuitively that someone, or something, had called out to the Universe to bring me back. I was needed, desperately, but the paradox was - and is - that in order for much-needed healing to occur in Faralya, some dark, long-hidden secrets would need to be faced. I could bring the healing back to this place. But first I would have to expose the truth.
I had no idea that any of this would happen. On some level, of course, I created it, and agreed to it. There have been, and still are, many moments in which I would like to walk away forever. But that is called avoidance. It is called being afraid of my own Light. It may feel easier to walk away, but in the grand scheme of things it is impossible.
The Goddess was giving me the final test. Faralya is my Homeland. It is the centre, the pivotal point of my spiritual territory on Earth. I had to dig so deep with my ancient sacred feminine past-life experiences of suffering, abandonment, humiliation, persecution, separation and banishment - that I thought I would not survive. I frequently questioned whether or not I could do it.
But I had to do it. There was, and is, no option. My sacred contract is signed, and I have vital healing work to do. Faralya has asked me to come home, and I have. The process is still unfolding as I write, but I know that most of the old pain has been dissolved. I have had to face unspeakable, deeply buried fears related to being in my spiritual power in this place. I have had to sit with, and process feelings so vast and oceanic that at times I thought they would consume me.
But I already know that confronting your deepest fears brings the most magnificent and lasting transformation. It is the only way to walk into the Light, and stay there.
I have been through my own intense personal journey with revealing my True Self to the world. It has been a huge challenge for me to even display any part of my spiritual truth, and gifts publicly. The experience of returning to Turkey to do this work has urged me to call on deeper elements of courage than I ever thought I had (and believe me, I have been drawing on courage for a very long time!).
Thankfully, throughout this experience, the Goddess gave me incredible support in the form of some very special women that showed up in perfect timing, to encourage me to keep going back.
Showing your true face to the world, as a sacred feminine torchbearer - a pioneer of the New World - is a very brave thing to do in this lifetime. What I am realising more and more every day, is that in order to be using our power we have to face every wounded inner part of us that may doubt it.
It is only by continuing to show up to where we are most scared to go that we transcend, dissolve and burn through the ancient suffering that has kept us so silenced, so suppressed, so hidden, so ashamed, so falsely accused of wrongs, so banished, so exiled.
The places that want us back will keep calling us back - no matter what. We must trust implicitly the Divine Voices and inner nudges that just keep pressing us out of those secret caves that we may have taken refuge in for thousands of years.
We may create situations in the 3rd dimension, and attract many people, into our lives who bring up almost unbearable ancient wounding for us to process - but there is a very wise and all-knowing Divine Purpose for this.
It is not to keep us entrenched within these sorrows. It is not to keep us feeling that we are wrong just for being alive, for being who we are, for bringing up the truth in others.
It is to give us deep, deep healing medicine for the feminine soul.
It is to show us that we really are powerful beyond any measure.
It is to take us back, back, back to the places that we belong so that we can perform the sacred duties that we were born for.
I am returning to Faralya, and I will continue to return to Faralya for the rest of my days upon this earth.
As I write these words, my body takes a spontaneous, very deep and rewarding breath.
I inhale the New, the Positive, the Healing, and the Holy. I exhale the Old, the Negative, the Damaging, and the False Beliefs about my Self. There is a new world arriving, and I am a part of it's promise. I am rising above my own personal issues and fears in order to serve the many women who need this energy of Faralya to be in it's Wholeness. I can leave my own fears behind, if they re-surface, because my Divine Purpose is greater than my fears.
There is not a single force on this earth, or in this universe, that could keep me from serving my mission to the women, and men, that are contracted to engage with me.
My Soul's journey to Faralya started in 1992 with the surfacing of very ancient pain. My Soul has now taken me back to face, process and permanently heal it. I do this for myself, but mostly for those who need me to do it for their own healing to occur.
My Love Affair with Turkey has not ended. It has only just begun.
Copyright, Sophie Bashford May 2016.