The Myth of the Too Much Woman

I’m going to share with you what I feel is the most important healing process for a woman to go through in order to access her inner power and move into spiritual wholeness.

It is simply this: challenge the world with your entire being the superimposed notion that you are “too much”.

Most likely you have experienced the message given by society that everything feminine is basically chaotic, hard-work and provoking to the lower masculine need to rationalise, control and strategically order Life.

The liberated feminine spirit is portrayed as, essentially: too emotional, too messy, too unpredictable, too unknown, too irrational, too difficult, too challenging to the status quo.

Females are usually told from an early age to ‘be quiet’, ‘be nice’, ‘be good’, ‘be acceptable’. Under no circumstances show anyone your wildness – your ‘wildness’ being the innate ebb and flow and cyclical nature of your feminine vibration. Your vast, deep and intuitive emotional range. Your uncensored voice: spoken, written or communicated through your body. Your energetic presence with it’s ability to stir up whatever is really going on beneath the surface in any room you are in. Your creative powers and abilities: by all means, have your skills and talents, but don’t go too crazy and unleash the full power of yourself or we’ll all have to judge you (other women included) and ask “Who the hell does SHE think she is?”

My own deepest healing process came from being able to give myself permission to be ‘too much’ emotionally when working on the trauma of losing my mother in early childhood. In my mid-twenties, the Universe sent me a therapist who was the first person not to be scared of witnessing the overwhelming vastness of my pain. Up until the point that I met her, I existed in a state of exhausting and damaging cover-up and torturous self-censorship.

Even with previous therapists, I never felt safe to unleash the full extent of what I was feeling because I felt I would be ‘too much’ for them. Consequently, the therapy worked up to a point, but I never experienced real transformation because I was so skilled at covering up and holding back when I didn’t feel safe to let go.

I can honestly say that finally encountering a therapist who was un-shockable, and with whom I felt totally safe to express the full range of my emotions from losing my mother aged 4 years old – saved my life.

I just knew that when I looked into her unconditional eyes that she embodied a knowing that was not scared of feminine power. She knew what I had living inside me – an uncontainable ocean of grief, anger and tears – and she not only gave me permission to set it free, she actively encouraged me to.

Learning how to express those emotions without censure was almost as challenging as going through the initial trauma. But I know for sure now, that if I had not done it, I may not be physically alive now and certainly would not be in touch with my creative and spiritual abilities or my inner power.

It is vital that women start thinking about all the ways in which they collude with the often insidiously-imposed, controlling messages from the patriarchy that insist that they stop being ‘too much’ for the world.

Are you ‘too much’ when you need to roar from the deepest core of your being when you are giving birth to a baby? It is not any coincidence that birth is an area in which women are rigorously subjected to fear-based control over their own body wisdom. Giving birth consciously and with empowered choice is arguably the most explosive hit of feminine sacred power that a woman can display.

Can it really be acceptable that you are told to ‘be quiet’, lay conveniently and nicely on your back and have your legs spread open by a member of the medical profession who supposedly knows more about birthing your baby than you do?

Are you ‘too much’ when you openly demonstrate the miraculous gift of breastfeeding your baby? Have you realised yet that it is the power that you are displaying that provokes so much in those who want to repress you?

Are you ‘too much’ because you are in touch with emotions and intuitive signals that cause previously controlled environments to be rocked and swayed? Do you notice when your energy of ‘too much’ affects people and they suddenly put up resistance to your presence? Do you realise that it’s because of your ‘too much-ness’ that this is happening, and it is your liberated, intuitive power that is affecting the status quo?

Are you ‘too much’ when you have creative ideas and ambitions that will expand you exponentially and display to the world just how transformative your abilities really are? Is it ‘too much’ for these ideas to eclipse others, including men, and raise you up to a position of influence, power and transformative status?

Are you ‘too much’ when you embody and express your own sexuality, making your own choices about how you use and experience this gift? Do you put limits on how you engage with your sexual powers for fear of intimidating others or opening yourself up to judgement about ‘the kind of woman’ that you are?

I cannot prevent myself from roaring with laughter when the idea that men want more sex than women is used: that somehow women are the passive recipients of a man’s dominating need for sexual gratification. Please understand right now: women are constantly told that it is not acceptable for them to have an rapacious appetite for anything. Feminine appetites are unappealing to the patriarchy. Natural appetites for food, power and sex are traits that are beaten out of women (sometimes literally) every day on this planet.

Women have huge, even avaricious appetites for Life and Love. Women possess vast reservoirs of creative and sexual desire. Women are ancient masters of commanding enormous power and influence. All of this universal, omnipotent energy would overthrow the controlling patriarchal elite in less than a minute, and restore the world back to loving, harmonious balance if it was unleashed and employed.

I invite you now, as a commitment to your own healing and empowerment, to take a stand against being ‘too much’. I have described here a few blatantly obvious ways in which women are fed a consistent diet of how unacceptable and dangerous their ‘too much-ness’ is. But there are so many subtler, and perhaps even more insidious ways in which this control and censorship occurs. Think about all the ways that you may be holding back and even sabotaging your own expansion into the world because you are responding to the socially-accepted prohibition on liberated feminine power and appetite.

I would like to call time on prohibition on feminine ‘too-muchness’. I would like to remind you, that when someone reacts negatively or defensively to your expression of ‘too-muchness’, that it is their problem, not yours.

What the world is crying out for is for women to revel in their delicious ‘too-much’ natures. I can guarantee you that this would benefit everyone, men included.

The next time you catch yourself holding back because you fear that someone will be overwhelmed, intimidated or threatened by your feelings, your sexual radiance, your creative ambition or any of your innate powers – take a breath and make a decision.

Why not decide to go ahead and let the ‘too-muchness’ overflow? If they run, you’ll know that they are literally blown away by your divinity. If they oppose you, you’ll know that what you are displaying provokes their own fears about being powerful.

Whatever happens, you’ll still be safe and unharmed. The worst that can happen is that you meet with jealousy, fear of transformation and resistance to change.

As I said at the beginning, I believe that consciously invoking the energy of your feminine ‘too-muchness’ is the single most healing thing you can do.

It does take courage – but just being a woman in this world takes courage every day. Why not give yourself the most loving gift you could possibly give, and blast the world awake with the ‘too-muchness’ of your Divine Self?

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  1. Southern Comfort on August 27, 2020 at 11:32 am

    Hi Sophie, im German and sometimes feel ‘too much’. Ive since 13/14 even a child been massive wild and psychologically deep, fully direct and open to express my opinions about EVERYTHING. Etc. Strong emotions, very strong emotions. But, i was never in my life oppressed by my father mom sister. The opposite. As soon as they see she doesnt fully express they get uneasy as they know something with me is wrong.

    So at home and in German society, by our neighborhood, the friends of my parents, town, at school, i was never discouraged or censored. German society and the European ones are all very accepting of this. We love and trust ‘strong characters’. everybody seems to know we need them.

    So to me, the times I feel that, I judge myself and censor myself. Just as those are moments I think ‘maybe it would be EASIER if I was a bit more smooth and unedgy’. But men especially NEVER impose it. I always realized all my life how they worship massive edge in me and a woman. They naturally follow it. They love and admire it.

    The only circumstances where I meet and met opposition was since childhood again and again from other women. But, those were always to me the victim women who did force themselves to adapt and who had rarely much to offer. And those are often not that respected by men. Those ‘good girls’ etc guys always complained to me and my best friend about. The guys often disrespected them, sneaked away from them. To come to me and my best friend in youth to open up, feel comfortable and have a GOOD time. Wild open and not inhibited.

    There were cases in which in teams other women tried to disempower my power. But first, they never really succeeded. But yes it was at times a real obstacle in my work and career. But the thing is, my superiors and male colleagues always were on my side and said ‘use your talent. Others here arent as gifted’.

    So I think in western societies, IF there is this oppressing it comes from envious women who are to be dismissed and if men appear to do it they are the weak ones. But I lived 4 years in the UK and I know there the men are not used to strong wild deep female characters. I always wondered which force keeps the Brit females in check lol. The answer is: they themselves do it voluntarily to please the men and not get into the way of the men. The men got used to this and if a EU woman acts differently from the self-suppresed UK women they are very shocked. They are not used to being challenged by women. EU men are. It is normal.

    In career situations this can have consequences if a wild deep woman gets tired of having to fight but in private life it is actually great and just a win and benefit. Men praise you and are at your feet. Some hide that. But they respect nothing more than an outspoken not to be controlled woman.

    Im 40 and this is my life experience with this phenomenon. And I love shocking people lol.

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